It's all about perspective.

Yesterday as I was driving home, a car pulled out in front of me and proceeded to go 20 miles under the speed limit. It made me mad, but I let it go. But then I realized that the car was going the same way I was going, and that I would be stuck behind this idiot for a while. Every time it turned down where I was going to go, I thought to myself, "shit!". But then I wondered, did anyone ever think that of me when they were behind me? And then that thought made me think of a great friend of mine who passed away a couple years ago, and how she changed my perspective on everything. A counselor once told me that she was like a kaledoscope or something. But anyway, she made me realize that there are always two sides to the story, and neither of them might be true. In fact, both sides most likely aren't true. People always exaggerate to make their story seem better and more truthful.

Being behind that slow, slow car also made me think of when I think negatively of other people. I just wish I could hear what everyone is saying about me. Sometimes I can't control my thoughts, and they are filled with negativity- about other people, places, things. The best I can do when those thoughts arise is to listen, and then to let them go and not act on the thoughts. It takes all of my willpower to not do anything about my thoughts. But I am a work in progress, so there's bound to be mistakes.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, no matter how wrong it may seem.

I was reminded of how opinionated I used to be, and I've been realizing how much that storm calmed down. There are many storms around me, but that one calmed down a lot. I used to be so angry and mouthy, and I could tell you off quicker than anyone else could. But now, I'm shy, quiet and meek. Sometimes I wonder what the hell happened to me. So much trauma had happened to me over the past 5 years or so, and it resulted in pure anger. But now the anger has subsided and I feel like I lost myself in the process of healing.

I've always been a shy, quiet person, but when you get me mad, you better watch out. Lately, it hasn't been that way, and I just storm off and leave in a rage. And then I take that rage out on myself. I don't know why I do that, and I don't know why I'm so introverted. But I do know that I'm jealous of extroverts. They have what I've always wanted: to be able to act out and be outgoing whenever I wanted and not just when I feel manic.

But as I mentioned earlier, I am a work in progress and one day (I hope) I will feel comfortable in my own skin. I'm a long way from perfect, and I might never get there, but at least I am trying.

And that is all that matters.